honey bunches of taint.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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