I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
