woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
