when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
