keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
