You just made me feel so damn special
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
