I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
