It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
