Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
