I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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