Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
i need some magic done to my vagina
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
