she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
