More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
