idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
