dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
