I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
