They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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