I feel like I'm in dance class right now
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Randomize
