I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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