around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
