dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
