I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
