apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
where are my eyebrows?
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