Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
