i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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