So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
