Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
