i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize