dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
