I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
