the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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