Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
