The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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