i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
