Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Couch. On fire.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
