I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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