just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
