I just made out with a guy for $7.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
