oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
