but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
