i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
