So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
