I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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