OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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