Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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