He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
