just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
