I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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