I think my vagina is haunted
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
