no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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