my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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