Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
