New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
