I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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