Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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