I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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