There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
