I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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